Forget All the Artisanal Cheese: French Crisps Represent Absolutely Depraved.
This past Christmas, I spent time in the French countryside, a place that seemed on its best behaviour. Discreet, sparkling decorations, village market booths piled high with exquisitely fresh produce, and such an abundance of fromage to coat the whole Eurotunnel with dairy fat. Overflowing trays of shimmering crustaceans on ice glimpsed through steamy cafรฉ panes. Upon seeing a long but orderly procession of stylish locals picking up their handmade yule logs, I thought, disloyally, that my home town, York, that transforms into a contemporary interpretation of Hogarthโs Gin Lane during the festive season with e-cigarettes tasting of mincemeat and BuzzBallz, could learn some pointers.
The Sophisticated Front
However all this โart de vivreโ stuff is just a refined front โ The country succumbs just as easily to its lowest desires like any other place. Simply step inside a supermarket and the truth is revealed. The crisp aisle stands as a monument to decadence, lined with the likes of blue cheese, spiced bean patty, *carbonade flamande* and *beurre salรฉ* flavours. Who in their right mind tries chips that taste of butter? Itโs like something from the notorious midway festivals where they fry solid butter in batter. A certain comedian stated online they represent the pinnacle of snacking in her experience, but sheโs obviously succumbed to some kind of local propaganda โ she grew up in Brittany.
International Unregulation
It is widely understood the crisp flavouring industry internationally is as lawless and unregulated as Silicon Valley. No one will allow the humble spud to shine on its own, enhanced only as necessary with just a dignified dusting of salt. Our own nation possesses a dark history when it comes to snack tastes across Britain, notably around Christmas. Recently, let us not forget, bestowed upon us Christmas-cake flavoured crisps and special-release pastry-and-meat potato snacks. Let us also recall the instance where a well-known shop thought โprosecco and winter berryโ made for a good idea on a potato chip? But I thought better from the nation of culinary masters.
What next? *Pรขtรฉ*-flavoured snacks? Cream puff crisps? Cigarette-tasting crisps? I should stop, lest I provide inspiration.
